Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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