It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
