I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
