She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
