It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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