That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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