He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it because I queefed?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
