I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
