Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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