you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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