We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
