These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have fence marks all over my body
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
