Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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