yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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