i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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