she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
