Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
