Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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