those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
