looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
