Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
