just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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