I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
