I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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