Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
