Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
