I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
