my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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