i love accidental penises.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
