This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
