Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
