u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
