did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
