rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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