# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
