White coat. Heels.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
