Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
