I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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