I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
