Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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