You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She needs sedatives and a leash
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
