turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wear drunk well.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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