We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
