go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
