just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He felt like a one man threesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
