Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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