Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
40s are totally the cure
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
