I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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