You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
