i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
