I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
